Pt.1

I thought I felt your shape but I was wrong
Really all I felt was falsely strong
I held on tight and closed my eyes
It was dumb I had no sense of your size

It was dumb to hold so tight
But last night
On the birthday in the kitchen
My grip was loose my eyes were open

I felt your shape and heard you breathing
I felt the rise and fall of your chest
I felt your fall
Your winter snows
Your gusty blow
Your lava flow
I felt it all
Your starry night
Your lack of light
With limp arms I can feel most of you

I hung around your neck independently
And my loss was overwhelmed
By this new depth I don’t think I ever felt

But I don’t know
The nights are cold
And I remember warmth
I could have sworn I wasn’t alone

Pt.2

there's no more hugging in the kitchen
no more pats on the back in the hall
no more chest on breasty chest behind the curtain
no more lip on nape of neck in shower stall
no more rosy gardens
no more craving curving
hips on my belly
I'm giving up so I can be free from you
I'm paying fees so I can sever ties from you
Let craving call
and beg and bawl
and face it tall
Let my soft skin have more sweet soft air on me.
Let boulders drown.