When we pulled into Argo Port in need of R & R 
The crew set out investigating every joint and bar 
We had high expectations of their hospitality 
But found too late it wasn't geared for spacers such as we 

Припев:
And we're banned from Argo every one 
Banned from Argo just for having a little fun 
We spent a jolly shoreleave there for just three days or four 
But Argo doesn't want us anymore 

Our captain's tastes were simple but his methods [bad word] 
We found him with five partners each of a different world and  
The shorepolice were on the way -- we had no second chance 
We beamed him up in the nick of time in the remnants of his pants 

Припев.

Our engineer would yield to none in putting down the brew 
He outdrank seven space marines and a demolition crew 
The navigator didn't win but he outdrank almost all 
And now they've got a shuttlecraft on the roof of city hall 

Припев.

Our proper cool first officer was [bad word] with something green 
And hauled into an alley where he suffered things obscene 
He sobered up in sickbay and he's none the worse for wear 
Except he somehow taught the [bad word] how to swear 

Припев.

The head nurse disappeared a while in the major dope bazaar 
Buying an odd green potion guaranteed to cause pon farr 
She came home with no uniform and an oddly cheerful heart 
And a painful way of walking with her feet a yard apart 

Припев.

Our lady [bad word] won a ship-wide bet 
By getting into the planet's [bad word] net 
Now every time someone calls up on an Argo telescreen 
The flesh is there but the clothes they wear are nowhere to be seen 

Припев.

Our doctor loves humanity; his private life is quiet 
The shorepolice arrested him for inciting whores to riot 
We found him in the city jail, locked on and beamed him free 
Intact except for hickeys and six kinds of VD 

Припев.

Our helmsman loves exotic plants and the plants all love him too 
He took some down on leave with him and he wondered what they'd do 
The planetary governor called and swore upon his life 
That a gang of plants entwined his house and then seduced his wife 

Припев.

gang of pirates landed and nobody seemed to care 
They stomped into the nearest bar to announce that they were there 
Half our crew was busy therein and invited them to play 
But the pirates only looked at us and turned and ran away 

Припев.

Our crew is Starfleet's finest and our record is our pride 
And when we play we tend to leave a trail a mile wide 
We're sorry 'bout the wreckage and the riots and the fuss 
At least we're sure that planet won't be quick forgetting us 

And we're banned from Argo every one 
Banned from Argo just for having a little fun 
We spent a jolly shoreleave there for just three days or four 
But Argo doesn't want us anymore 

(Wonder why')