Doctor, every night I have the strangest dreams
Doctor, listen to me, tell me what this means
First I'm goin' shoppin' in my underwear
Then all of sudden I'm floating in mid air
My lips fall off and everybody starts to stare
Donuts and hot dogs are flying everywhere

Now Doctor, wait a minute, you ain't heard nothin' yet
 [bad word] the part that I won't ever forget
Now I'm bein' followed by [bad word] spies
They give me some velcro, and an order of fries
Suddenly I'm bowling on the Starship Enterprise
I fall down a hole and that's when I realize

I am stuck in a closet with Vanna White
I'm stuck in a closet with Vanna White
Night after night after night after night

All right!

Doctor, won't you tell me, am I going insane
Was it something I ate or something wrong with my brain
See, I'm naked in church when I meet a dinosaur
Try [bad word]  but my feet have been nailed to the floor
Then a midget pushes me through a revolving door
And I'm back in the very same place I was before

Now I'm stuck in a closet with Vanna White
I'm stuck in a closet with Vanna White
Night after night after night after night

And I can't bust out and I can't break free
And it's gettin' just a little too stuffy here for me
And I can't go home and I can't get loose
And I try to escape but it's just no use

And I can't ever leave and I can't ever win
And [bad word] #39; outta air and the walls are closin' in
And I can't go back and I can't get through
But Vanna since you're here, why don't you let me buy a vowel from you
 [bad word] on [bad word] on!

Ow, buhhh

Doctor, all those crazy dreams have started again
That's right, I even wake up screaming now and then
See, [bad word] home from work but I forgot my address
I'm half an hour late for my algebra test
Then some slimy alien jumps out of my chest
And I'm falling and falling and I guess you know the rest

I am stuck in a closet with Vanna White
I'm stuck in a closet with Vanna White
Night after night after night after night

I am stuck in a closet with Vanna White
Stuck in a closet with Vanna White
N-n-n-night after night after night night night

Then I'm stuck in a closet with Vanna White (ya-ya ya-ya, ya-ya, ya, ya-ya)
I'm stuck in a closet with Vanna White
Night after night after night after night

I am stuck in a closet with Vanna White (ya-ya ya-ya ya-ya ya-ya)
I am stuck in a closet with Vanna White