I just don't get it - I just don't get it, please help me understand.

So what have I [bad word]  Please tell me if you can. 
The world is changing, spinning, breaking, I don't know who I am.

You're smiling at me ... Pretending you can't see. 

Something has changed, way deep down inside, the pieces just don't fit.
I'm broken now, so, why should I try? I'll bare this pain within.
Freeze.

I'm breaking yet unbreakable - I'm crazy but, I have control.
I'm searching but I know I've found ... 

I'm standing here watching the world collapse around me,
You're so close - but I hope ... that you stop searching,

I don't want you to - to see what I've [bad word] ...
So please stop looking ...

I can't control the world that we've all been thrown in,
And I couldn't bare to hurt you ... I want this to end. 

So please-I'm begging, won't you leave me alone?
It's better if you go ...