I’d rather go home
 And watch pornography alone
 I’ve got a big collection
 really huge selection

And if I’m really desparate
 I’ll call my ex up
 And have  on the phone
 It beats orgasming alone

 [bad word] is good for the soul
 But it doesn’t mean a thing invariable
 Unless you own a good [bad word] 
 But then I bet you think I’m a [bad word] 

 [bad word] is a [bad word] 
 So throw me a bone
 It’s so innocent
 That’s why I always phone home, alone

‘Coz I’m feeling ashamed
 That I feel like a boy
 Oh, women are meant to act coy (coy)
 That’s why we’ve got all these toys (toys)

 [bad word] is good for the soul
 But it doesn’t always leave you feeling whole
 Unless you own a good [bad word] 
 But then you’ll all think I’m a [bad word] 

I don’t care (okay, gotta go)
 Don’t care