You left a parsnip on my chair
I found some sweetcorn in my underwear
You placed a broccoli on every stair.
And it frightened me.

I found a broad bean in my wine
And a spinach on my washing line
You shoved a marrow where the sun don't shine
And it frightened me.

* You're playing vegetable vegetable tricks
Is that how you're getting your kicks?
You're playing vegetable vegetable tricks
I'm dealing with someone who's sick.

You put a cabbage in my summer hat
You force fed beetroot to my favourite cat  [bad word] 
Now there are purple patches where it sat
And it frightened me.

I found twelve mushrooms in my shoe (In My Shoe)
What a horrid horrid thing to do (What a h o r r i d thing to do)
I was going to use them in tomorrow's stew
You knew that, didn't you?

Repeat * twice