It was a weekend, and you can't stop
Us from going to the local dance spot.
Instead of drinking imported beers,
Somebody brought a bottle of Orphan Tears.

We popped the top. We know what was in it.
Yeah, we were all so stupid to sip it.
Orphan Tears are so hallucinogenic.
I took one drink and saw a two-headed midget.

Then the room filled with colors and shapes,
And suddenly DeeJay was covered in snakes.
Oh snap! And what made it worse
Is I swear I saw a unicorn humping a smurf.

Then a rainbow appeared out of Wax's [bad word] 
He passed some gas and it snapped in half.
Yo Deejay! Are you still there?
Yeah, I'm trying to hook up with this girl in a wheelchair.

Alright. Chill there. I think a bulimic
Carebear might pick a fight with Jesus.
I don't believe it. I'm gonna be sea sick.
These Orphan Tears are about to make me trip.

Little children, near and far
Don't know where your parents are.
Cry directly in this jar.
I will drink it at the bar.
Sip sippin' on Orphan Tears.
Sip sip sippin' on Orphan Tears.
Sip sippin' on, sip sip sippin' on
Sip sip sippin' on Orphan Tears.

These Orphan Tears got me feeling like I ain't felt before.
I tried to bust-a-move but fell asleep on the dance floor.
(DeeJay falls asleep and snores)
I swear I saw Bill Cosby like, "Hello with the pudding!"
He was dancing in his underwear showing off his woody.

I ran to the bathroom. Everything's in slow mo.
I couldn't throw up, because the toilet bowl called me a homo.
I barfed up a kitten, and I'm feeling strange.
Sippin' these Orphan Tears, now it's got me seeing things.

Little children, near and far
Don't know where your parents are.
Cry directly in this jar.
I will drink it at the bar.
Sip sippin' on Orphan Tears.
Sip sip sippin' on Orphan Tears.
Sip sippin' on, sip sip sippin' on
Sip sip sippin' on Orphan Tears.

All up in the VIP section, straight relaxed.
The DJ playing my favorite tracks.
Waitress asked, what can I bring you.
I said the most expensive thing on the menu.

She came back with a glass of liquid.
I said, I asked for something different.
This looks like a normal beer.
She said, no it's Orphan Tears.

Took a swig. Then I walked down where the dance floor is,
Whole club looking like a forest.
DeeJay turned into a [bad word] 
Everybody in the club looked like Chuck Norris.

I tried [bad word] to the bathroom but when
I did I felt a vacuum suction.
Pulling me back slow
Dance floor turned into a black hole.

Spinning around horribly.
Feeling like Dorothy.
Woke up and was still at home.
Orphan Tears got us in the zone.

Little children, near and far
Don't know where your parents are.
Cry directly in this jar.
I will drink it at the bar.
Sip sippin' on Orphan Tears.
Sip sip sippin' on Orphan Tears.
Sip sippin' on, sip sip sippin' on
Sip sip sippin' on Orphan Tears.