Reuben, Reuben, I've been thinking
 Said his wifey dear
 Now that all is peaceful and calm
 The boys will soon be back on the farm
 Mister Reuben started winking and [bad word] his chin
 He pulled his chair up close to mother
 And he asked her with a grin
 [bad word] (sung twice after each verse):
 How ya gonna keep 'em down on the farm
 After they've seen Paree'
 How ya gonna keep 'em away from Broadway
 Jazzin around and paintin' the town
 How ya gonna keep 'em away from harm, that's a mystery
 They'll never want to see a rake or plow
 And who the deuce can parleyvous a cow?
 How ya gonna keep 'em down on the farm
 After they've seen Paree' [bad word]  Rueben, you're mistaken
 Said his wifey dear
 Once a farmer, always a jay
 And farmers always stick to the hay
 Mother Reuben, I'm not fakin
 Tho you may think it strange
 But wine and women play the mischief
 With a boy who's loose with change
 [bad word] (sung twice after each verse):
 How ya gonna keep 'em down on the farm
 After they've seen Paree'
 How ya gonna keep 'em away from Broadway
 Jazzin around and paintin' the town
 How ya gonna keep 'em away from harm, that's a mystery
 Imagine Reuben when he meets his Pa
 He'll kiss his cheek and holler "OO-LA-LA!
 How ya gonna keep 'em down on the farm
 After they've seen Paree'?