"If I Was The King"

If I was the King
I would get myself a [bad word] #39; crown
And I'd make all the [bad word] call me Sir Michael Starr
I'd have a castle and a [bad word] #39; throne
And at night I'd go in the town
In a big stretch Hummer with a hot tub and a bar

If I was the King
I would outlaw clothes for chicks
So you could see if the shaved their pussies
Or if they were hiding [bad word] 
I'd lower the drinking age
So little kids could get [bad word] too
And I'd make it a [bad word] crime to wear a wedding ring
If I was the King

That'd be [bad word] #39; nice right?

I'd knock down all the schools
And put up licquor stores
And give free boobjobs to the strippers and the whores
I would [bad word] sense
Feed the homeless to the wolves
And if you didn't like Steel Panther you'd go to jail!

If I was the King
I'd make beer the official food
And you'd never have to take the trash out
If you happen to be born a dude
You could buy hand grenades at Starbucks
And take a [bad word] right on the street
And I'd kill Katy Perry so I wouldn't have to hear her sing
If I was the King

 [bad word] the court jester man!

And if the [bad word] peasents didn't like it
I would tell them all to suck my [bad word] 
Suck my [bad word] 
Suck my [bad word] 

Legalize [bad word] 
At every strip joint in the nation
And the minimum cup size would have to be a double 
Oh yeah
But if you were in a band
You wouldn't have to use your hand
There'd be mandatory blowjobs for guys like you and me!

If I was the King
Megan Fox would be my Queen
But I'd still [bad word] Christie Brinkley
And any girl older than 16
I'd execute One Direction
And drop a nuke on the Middle East
But I'd take the oil first so we wouldn't have to feel the sting
If I was the King
If I was the King
If I was the King