Sam: Kermit, let's begin
Describe the day you played Berlin

Constantine: We rehearsed and then we walked about
We ate bratwurst and sauerkraut

Ty: That night, at 10:03
were you inside the portrait gallery

C: From 10 o'clock to 10:04
is when we played the shows encore

S: Hm, Frog, we've got our doubts
Can you confirm your whereabouts?

C: My alibi is water tight
The audience saw me sing all night

T: Monsieur, we know you did the crime

C: I was on stage that whole time
Ask who sang Rainbow Connection

T&S: Thank you, Kermit, no more questions

T: Allo, I think it's time for good cop romantic cop
Miss Piggy, you cleaned up locked inside
Now's your chance to save your hide

Miss Piggy: Gentlemen, I did not know
It was a crime to steal the show

S: Tell us how the art was taken

T: If you want to save your bacon

MP: I haven't seen your missing art
All I stole was audience hearts

S: We can give you a plea deal

T: All you have to do is squeal

MP: I'm not a thief I don't know how
All I've ever taken is a bow

T: We'll catch the swine who did this job

MP: Give up the pig puns creep
Go jump in a lake that's my suggestion

T&S: Thank you Piggy, no more questions

T: I think she liked me

S: I don't think your puns are helping the investigation

T: You know...
I think they did it

S: No they didn't

T: Yes they did and we can pin it

S: if they did how did they do it?

T: if they didn't how didn't they didn't?

S: if they didn't then it's easy 'cuz they simply didn't do it

T: if they did it then i knew it but we've nothing that can prove it
Excuse me
Bring in the purple guy with the schnoz

S: Do you remember what you did
On the night you played Mardid

Gonzo: I was hit by a raging bull [bad word] off stage to the hospital

T: Gonzo, what do you know
About the sculpture theft at Madrid's Prado

G: I never saw the stolen bust
I spent the night in bed concussed

S: The [bad word]  Gonzo, the clock is tickin'

G: If you don't believe me, ask the chicken
Camilla was there she'll cooperate

T: Madame are you willing to corroborate

Camilla: Bawk bawk begawk, begawk gawk gawk

S: Will somebody get this chicken out of here

G: Calm down, Camilla, it's a routine inspection

T&S: Thank you Gonzo, no more questions

T: Let's go from the start
What do you know about the stolen art

Lew Zealand: I didn't know there was a plan

Dr. Teeth: Your accusations far out man

Honewdew: The chances of [bad word] a crime
are less than .009

Swedish Chef: Shern de shern de herf
Sher de chicky en de farney hug

T: To help with our investigation
Can you do a full translation

Translator: What the chef just said to you
was "schnoop do schnnop do schnook" 
it's not Swedish

Animal: Aaarghh, Aaarghh, Aaarghh, Ahahaha

Penguins: [bad word] [bad word] [bad word] 
Fozzie: Uh, I can do an Elvis impression

T&S: Thank you, Muppets, no more questions

T: They didn't

S: No they didn't

T: there's no way they did the crime

S: They couldn't, They're too stupid

T: They're not criminal master minds

S: We do not know who did it
but we know who didn't do it

T&S: So we know who didn't do it
Yes we know who didn't do it

T: They are incapable of being culpable