Wormwood [bad word]  Alan M Lang 

I lived a year in London, but I never saw Saint Paul’s,
 All famous stunts left undone, nor visited the halls.
 I lodged in royal quarters, at majesty’s expense,
 All round the walls of Wormwood’s halls were reared for my defence.
 Oh, the palace of Wormwood [bad word]  the snarling, the sneers, the snubs,
 And the long dreary days spent in learning the ways of the palace at Wormwood [bad word] 

In shoddy grey they dressed me, I didn’t dare refuse,
 Though shape and fit distressed me, I wasn’t asked to choose.
 My out-spread ears supported the largest size in caps,
 My feet did [bad word] in ship-like shoes while a breeze blew through the gaps.
 Oh, that court suit of Wormwood [bad word] with its skin chaffing [bad word] 
 And the blush raising shocks from its open work socks as we wore ‘em in Wormwood [bad word] 

In dignified retirement, I ate three meals a day,
 My very small requirement was brought in on a tray.
 But though I grieve to say it, no gold nor silver plate,
 But vulgar tin my food came in and I often had to wait.
 Oh, the dinner at Wormwood [bad word]  you people who dine at clubs,
 Try just once for a treat, with a spoon to eat meat.
 And you’ll fight shy of Wormwood [bad word] 

Each morn with others banded, I walked the palace ground as etiquette demanded,
 We circled round and round.
 At time my dizzy senses were soothed by slumberous spell,
 But when I woke, I savage spoke and I wished I were in…well,
 It’s no matter at Wormwood [bad word]  the snarling and sneers and snubs,
 But if ‘t’werent so bad, one would not be so glad,
 To bid farewell to Wormwood [bad word]