The British Police are the best in the world 
I don't believe one of these stories I've heard 
'Bout them raiding our pubs for no reason at all 
Lining the customers up by the wall 
Picking out people and knocking them down 
Resisting arrest as they're kicked on the ground 
Searching their houses and calling them [bad word] 
I don't believe that sort of thing happens here

Sing if you're glad to be [bad word] 
Sing if you're happy that way

Pictures of naked young women are fun 
In Titbits and Playboy, page three of The Sun 
There's no nudes in [bad word] News our last magazine 
But they still find excuses to call it obscene 
Read how disgusting we are in the press 
The News of The World and the Sunday Express 
Molesters of children, [bad word] of youth 
It's there in the paper, it must be the [bad word] 
Sing if you're glad to be [bad word] 
Sing if you're happy that way

Don't try to kid us that if you're discreet 
You're perfectly safe as you walk down the street 
You don't have to mince or make [bad word] remarks 
To get beaten unconscious and left in the dark 
I had a friend who was gentle and short 
Got lonely one evening and went for a walk 
Queerbashers caught him and kicked in his teeth 
He was only hospitalised for a week

Sing if you're glad to be [bad word] 
Sing if you're happy that way

So sit back and watch as they close all our clubs 
Arrest us for meeting and raid all our pubs 
Make sure your boyfriend's at least 21 
So only your friends and your brothers get done 
Lie to your workmates, lie to your folks 
Put down the queens and tell anti [bad word] jokes  [bad word] Lib's ridiculous, join their laughter 
'The buggers are legal now, what more are they after?'

Sing if you're glad to be [bad word] 
Sing if you're happy that way