[Flim]
There's ailments all around us in everything we touch and see
[Flam]
sickness that lies waiting there in every breath you breathe
[Flim]
Disease will up and grab you as it crawls from land and sea
[Flam]
It's amazing how infected that the natural world and all its things can be
Flim: Now I understand that some of you don't think you're sick.
Flam: But twisted hooves and aching joints don't heal all that quick.
Flim: Consider just how dangerous this world is! You might...
[Flam]
Slip and fall, break or sprain something here tonight
[Flim and Flam]
But luckily for you, we've got the thing you need
And it's easier when all you need's the cure
The Flim Flam Miracle Curative Tonic
Is just what the doctor ordered, I'm sure
Flim: Now I know our claims seem fantastical.
Flam: Impractical.
Flim: Improbable.
Flam: Impossible.
Flim and Flam: And magical!
Flim: So we [bad word] every suffering pony to make their way up to the stage.
Flam: Now don't crowd.
Flim: And we'll prove our tonic's effectiveness before your very eyes.
Flam: You [bad word] up here, good sir.
Flim: I'll wager you're tired of those [bad word]  my friend.
Flam: Try taking a sip of this!
[ponies gasping]
[Flim and Flam]
That's why you're so lucky we've got the thing for you
 [bad word] on up, we've always got some more
Of the Flim Flam Miracle Curative Tonic
[Silver Shill]
I won't need these [bad word] to dance out the door
Granny Smith: Now how do ya like that?
Applejack: I don't. There's somethin' funny about this whole thing.
[Flim]
Now some of you may suffer from feelings of despair
You're old, you're tired, your legs won't work, there's grain in your hair
[Flam]
Just listen and I'll tell you that you don't need to fear
Your ears will work, your muscles tone, your eyes will see so clear
[Crowd]
Luckily for us, you've got the thing we need
The answer to our problems in a jar
The Flim Flam Miracle Curative Tonic
Is the greatest ever miracle by far!
[in background]
Tonic... tonic... tonic...
Flim: It cures the reins, the spurs, and the Clydesdale fur blight.
Flam: Hooferia and horsentery cured in just a night.
Flim: You've got swollen hooves and hindquarters or terrible bridle-bit cleft.
Flam: Saunter sitz and gallop plop won't give your tail some heft.
Flim: Mane loss, hay fever, or terrible tonsillitis.
Flam: You heard it here, folks -- this is the only place in all of Equestria you'll find it!
[Flim]
It can make you shorter, taller, or even grow old
[Flam]
But who'd want that?
[Flim]
When with one drink
[Flim and Flam]
You can be young again--
Granny Smith: SOLD!