Well its prom night, I’m all alone and man I feel so lame.
Across the gym, stands the girl of my dreams but she doesn’t even know my name

As I stare my heart skips a beat, she leaves me breathless I can’t pretend
I know that I can’t offer her much, but I sure beat her douche bag boyfriend

You may never want me
But love for you is [bad word] So everywhere I go girl
I’ll be touching myself to you

Oh…I will [bad word] to you in the shower
In the cafeteria during lunch hour
Gonna play with myself in my Parents’ car…
to you!

Oooh, I will [bad word] to you on the beach
In the dentists chair while he’s cleaning my teeth
I’ll never see you again after tonight
But I will [bad word] to you for life

Don’t you dare judge me on how I express my love
You can write poetry, me I [bad word] and tug

I’ll never hold you
Lay with you in the sand
Go live your life girl
Cause I’ll being making love to my hand

Oh, I will [bad word] to you like a fiend
On Martin Luther King Day and during Halloween
Stroking every single night of Hanukah

Oh, I will [bad word] to you over sea’s
On the Eiffel tower and while meeting the Queen
Honey go with him, I’ll be alright.
Cause I will [bad word] to you for life

Life is so lonely without you
There’s only so much jerking one guy can do
But why this devotion
I’ve wasted all my lotion
Baby I was blind but now I can see..

Oh, I will [bad word] as you grow old with me
Every single birthday and anniversary
In the delivery room as our first child is born

I will [bad word] to you and you alone
Playing with our grandkids in our nursing home
You’re the one that I need I must have missed it somehow
But I will [bad word]  I will [bad word]  I will [bad word] .
To you... right... now...