it all started with closed eyes 
and a feeling in my gut telling me 
i need to keep them shut the whole time 
because they opened even for a second and i saw your lips 
they’d suck me in like black holes when they bend light 
and it was then i realized you were not my world 
you were my universe 

sometimes when i look up i see stars 
that cut through the sky and fade quickly into nothingness 
and i pray that you aren’t as fleeting 
because when we’re lying in roads i get the same feeling 
that gravity will just turn off and i’ll fall endlessly 
into something much larger than i am 
and i wonder if that’s what it feels like to die and 
if i’ll ever understand god in my lifespan 
because i want to see god 
i want to know what god feels like 

but with the weight of the bible i will break adams ribs 
and repeat, my dear eve, you do not take after this 
you were not made in a mans image 
but if that’s the case why do you feel so lost 
in the empty space that his hand isn’t 
why do i wait wondering how long it’ll take you to admit it 
i’d rather keep my mouth shut then start to say what i can’t finish 
baby i have limits 

so i’m singing ‘la la la’ in empty rooms that carry sounds like hollow caves 
'la la la' just to prove you're not the only one that can occupy a borrowed space 
'la la la' for every ship that was set to sail but got washed away 
i’m singing ‘la la la’ in desperate hopes that when it bounces back i hear the octave change 
so if we could just pretend that your voice exists inside this empty void within 
then holy [bad word]  holy [bad word]  holy [bad word] if you spoke 
insomnia might loosen its wholesome grip on my throat 
and i can begin to forgive you for admitting the hoax 
instead of learning to hate you for very minute you don’t 
because i sit here wondering if anything you said was [bad word] 
and who it was that taught you to speak bullets 
without considering the exit wound 
tell me who 

because i still think back to the first time you called me with nothing to say 
that morning you were more than just my friend and we both noticed something had changed 
you drove to your parents house and we talked about everything 
we talked about how much it sucked, but no matter what, we had to remain 
nothing 

and in that deafening silence 
i asked if i could still call you my snowflake 
and you said okay
credits
released 22 December 2013