Ladies and gentlemen put your hand together for Katniss Everdeen the girl on fire.

KATNISS
Can’t decide which boy I like
Gale is buff, and Peeta’s nice
In this dystopian future
Don’t which cute dude is cuter
Eenie Meenie Minie Moe
I’m Catching Fire down below
Two dreamboats blowin’ up my phone
I’m like a post apocalyptic Bridget Jones
GALE OR PEETA
It’s the end of the world
GALE OR PEETA
These books catnip for girls
GALE OR PEETA
Sci-Fi Chick Fantasy
TOO MUCH WEINER
Battle Royale with Cheese
PURE VELVEETA
Everybody [bad word] RUE
Everybody [bad word] RUE
Put 3 fingers in the air like you just don’t care
Give it up for my homies in district 12
GALE
I don’t get to eat enough
but somehow I’m totally buff
KATNISS
You were engaged to Miley C.
So you might carry an STD
PEETA
C’mon Katniss please pick me
I made myself look like a tree
PRESIDENT SNOW
Marry that tree, or your family dies
KATNISS
Ew, I hate when people set me up with guys
GALE OR PEETA
Peeta is hella cute
PEETA FEVER
But Gale’s a forbidden [bad word] HE’S MUCH LEANER
GALE
Hey don’t call me a [bad word] HE’S NO GENIUS
I was named after a root
GALE
Um, okay.
KATNISS
Evil Santa has blood breath
He laughs when kids fight to the death
KATNISS
His name is Snow cus he’s not hot
PRESIDENT SNOW
Hey that hurt my feelings a lot
PEETA
I can bake, but I can’t swim
KATNISS
God, you’re a bigger wuss than Prim
You’re such a damsel in distress
Maybe you should be the one in the flaming dress
GALE OR PEETA
You both are so poorly drawn
MAYBE NEITHER
Your acting’s making me yawn
HE’S NO BRANDO
Must lead the revolution [bad word] THIS GAME SHOW
No time for getting it on