Frank: ♪ On the western side of Quahog, if you'd care [bad word] along, there's a club that's so exclusive that the line is ten miles long. ♪

Brian: ♪ Where the [bad word] to party and to spend their fathers' cash - just to take home [bad word] women and then wake up with a rash. Yeah they wake up, wake up, wake up, wake up with a rash! ♪

Both: ♪ Take me out to pLace tonight, where the wool knit caps are tight. ♪

Frank: ♪ And the guys in hooded sweatshirts have forgotten that they're white. ♪

Both: ♪ Take me out to pLace tonight, where a dude can pick a fight ♪

Frank: ♪ Over who takes home that smoking Chinese bar [bad word] ..on the right. ♪

Frank: ♪ There's a throng of trendy people and they're streched around the block. And there's one unpleasant deaf guy who just really shouldn't talk. ♪

Deaf Guy: Vodka tonic please.

Brian: ♪ There's a chick who's kind of Persian, and a broad with zero fat. And a giant human monkey. Oh no wait, that's Spencer Pratt. ♪

Frank: ♪ Yeah, you're right...that's Spencer Pratt. ♪

Both: ♪ Take me out to pLace tonight, to a bathroom stall delight ♪

Brian: ♪ Where a girl will help you empty every last electrolyte. ♪

Both: ♪ Take me out to pLace tonight where there ain't no cellulite, and we'll drink ourselves insane until we're feeling... dynamite!