(Lennon/McCartney)

Joan was quizzical, studied metaphysical
Science in the home
Late nights all alone with a test-tube
Ohh-oh-oh-oh...
Maxwell Edison majoring in medicine
Calls her on the phone
"Can I take you out to the pictures
Joa-oa-oa-oan?"
But as she's getting ready to go
[bad word] on the door...

Bang, bang, Maxwell's silver hammer
Came down upon her head
Bang, bang, Maxwell's silver hammer
Made sure that she was dead

Back in school again Maxwell plays the fool again
Teacher gets annoyed
Wishing to avoid an unpleasant sce-e-e-ene
She tells Max to stay when the class has gone away
So he waits behind
Writing 50 times "I must not be so-o-o-oo..."
But when she turns her back on the boy
He creeps up from behind

Bang, bang, Maxwell's silver hammer
Came down upon her head
Bang, bang, Maxwell's silver hammer
Made sure that she was dead

B.C. Thirty-One said "we caught a dirty one"
Maxwell stands alone
Painting testimonial pictures ohh-oh-oh-oh
Rose and Valerie screaming from the gallery
Say he must go free (Maxwell must go free)
The judge does not agree and he tells them so-o-o-oo
But as the words are leaving his lips
[bad word] from behind

Bang, bang, Maxwell's silver hammer
Came down upon his head
Bang, Bang, Maxwell's silver hammer
Made sure that he was dead