I play in a band, we're the best in the land 
We're big in both Chelsea and France 
I play one mean guitar and then score at the bar 
There's a line of chicks waiting for their chance  [bad word] on now honey, I'll make you feel pretty 
These other gals mean nothing to me 
Let's finish these drinks and be gone for the night 
'Cause I'm more than a handful, you'll see 
 [bad word] ]
So kiss me, I'm [bad word] I'm soaked, I'm soiled and brown 
in the trousers, she kissed me
And I only bought her one round

I can bench press a car, I'm an ex football star 
with degrees from both Harvard and Yale
Girls just can't keep up, I'm a real love machine 
I've had far better  while in jail 
I've designed the Sears Tower, I make two grand an hour 
I cook the world's best duck flambe 
I'll take the pick of the litter, girls jockey for me 
I don't need these lines to get laid 
 [bad word] 

I'm a man of the night, a real ladies delight 
See my figure was chiseled from stone 
One more for the gal then I'll escort her home [bad word] last call, I'm never alone
I've a house on the hill with a red water bed 
That puts Hugh Heffnor's mansion to shame 
With girls by the pool and Italian sports cars 
I'm just here in this dump for the game
 [bad word] x2]

Ahh, [bad word] it. Who am I [bad word]  

I'm a pitiful sight, and I ain't all that bright 
I'm definitely not chiseled from stone 
I'm a cheat and a liar, no woman's desire 
I'll probably die cold and alone 

But just give me a chance, 'cause deep down inside 
I swear I got a big heart of gold 
I'm a monogamous man, no more one night stands [bad word] on, honey, let me take you home 
 [bad word] x4]