I wanted a record deal but I was [bad word] 
I tried [bad word] but they did not approve
Until I met this one guy, a [bad word] A&R man
He said, " [bad word]  I will sign you but you have to understand"
"I want to utilise your bum as someone I can put
My fingers and my hands, my toes and then my foot
My [bad word] and testes, my tongue and then my head"
I mulled it over carefully and this is what I said

Go on then, just this once
Use my [bad word] as a [bad word] 
Use my [bad word]  use my [bad word] 
Use my [bad word]  use my [bad word] 
Go on then, just this once
Use my [bad word] as a [bad word] 
Use my [bad word]  use my [bad word] 
Use my [bad word]  use my [bad word] 

I started feeling guilty as if I'd sold my soul
I started feeling itchy around my bumhole
I started feeling achy around my underneath
I realised he'd used my bum without using a sheath
So I went to the doctors because my bum was sore
I needed my bum sorting out 'cause I was due on tour
The doctor took a look at it and said, "It looks quite raw
It looks itchy and flaky but I just can't be sure
I need to use your bum myself if I'm to find a cure"