Dr. Kelso: Hello, I'm Dr. Kelso, I'm delighted that you came 
So the doctors say you fainted, and you don't know what's to blame 
Well, put your mind at ease, there's no ill we can't outsmart 
On behalf of all who work here... 

All: [bad word] to Sacred Heart! 

J.D: Our facilities are excellent! You couldn't ask for more 
Janitor: As long as you avoid the bathrooms on the second floor 
Dr. Kelso: This is Dr. Cox, I'll be giving him your chart 
Dr. Cox: And that's Dr. Kelso -- the kiss [bad word] of Sacred Heart! 

Turk: You say you burned your hand real bad -- we'll fix you up with gauze 
Elliot: Perhaps you need your fat sucked out -- or want a smaller schnoz! 
J.D: Hey! 

Dr. Kelso: You caught an S.T.D. from some tasty little tart? 
All: We swear 
We won't judge you here at Sacred... 
Here at Sacred... 
Here at Sacred Heart! 

Dr. Kelso: One more thing that I should mention 
If what I've heard is [bad word] 
And everyone appears to be singing to you.... 

All: Ahh, Ahhh! Ahh, Ahhh! Ahh, Ahhh! Ahh, Ahhh! 

Dr. Kelso: Your case is very serious! And we'd better start! 

All: 
'Cause if you think we're singing, you belong at Sacred Heart! 
Doctors! Nurses! Patients! Dead guys! 
 [bad word] to Sacred Heart!