Fake Tales of San Francisco
Echo through the room 
More point to a wedding disco 
Without a bride or groom 
There's a super cool band yeah 
With their trilbys and their glasses of white wine 
And all the weekend rockstars in the toilets 
Practicing their lines

I don't want to hear you 
(Kick me out, kick me out) 
I don't want to hear, you know 
(Kick me out, kick me out) 
I don't want to hear you 
(Kick me out, kick me out) 
I don't want to hear you 
I don't want to hear your... 

Fake Tales of San Fransisco 
Echo through the air 
And there's a few bored faces in the back 
All wishing they weren't there

And as the microphone squeaks 
young girl's telephone beeps 
Yeah she's dashing for the exit 
And [bad word] to the streets outside 
"Oh you've saved me," she screams down the line 
"The band Were [bad word] [bad word] 
And I'm not having a nice time"

I don't want to hear you 
(Kick me out, kick me out) 
I don't want to hear, you know 
(Kick me out, kick me out) 

Yeah but his bird thinks it's amazing, though 
So all that's left 
Is the proof that love's not only blind but deaf

He talks of San Francisco, he's from Hunter's Bar 
I don't quite know the distance 
But I'm sure that's far 
Yeah I'm sure that's pretty far

And yeah, I'd love to tell you all my problem 
You're not from New York City, you're from Rotherham 
So get off the bandwagon, and put down the handbook 
Yeah, yeah, yeah

Get off the bandwagon and put down the handbook 
Get off the bandwagon and put down the handbook 
Get off the bandwagon and put down the handbook 
Get off the bandwagon and put down the handbook 
Yeah