The bottom
 feels so much better than the top!
 So much better!

 Nan you're a window shopper
 Taking a look but you never buy
 Nan you're a window shopper
 You won't pick it up if it's over a fiver
 Nan you're a window shopper
 Get on the bus cause you still can't drive
 Nan you're a window shopper
 Mad as [bad word] only just alive

 You get up in the morning and you like your tea milky
 You fumble for your glasses cause without 'em you can't see
 It's funny how [bad word] around your house and I'm twenty
 And I still have to wear all the presents you sent me

 I walk into your kitchen everything's got a label
 You've done your christmas shopping and we're only in April
 And you won't leave your house unless you're wearing your thermals
 You're covered all in cathair and you're stinking like strepsils

 You're headed down the bowls club, have another orange squash
 Balls are rollin', rollin', rollin'
 You can't walk right, cause things aren't what they were
 Your ankles are swollen, swollen, swollen

 Nan you're a window shopper
 Taking a look but you never buy
 Nan you're a window shopper
 You won't pick it up if it's over a fiver
 Nan you're a window shopper
 Get on the bus cause you still can't drive
 Nan you're a window shopper
 Mad as [bad word] only just alive

 Walking down the post office to pick up your pension
 And then you're off to bingo, it's [bad word] an obsession
 So wary of the kids when they're wearing their hoods up
 And even if they smile at you you think it's a stick up

 You only buy the paper just to cut out the coupons
 You're saving 50p but what do you want with tampons
 You're always at the doctor picking up you prescription
 And they throw in some KY just to ease up the friction

 You've got a leak in your colostomy bag
 Yeah, it's got a hole in, hole in, hole in
 On the weekend you're shopping with your trolley, It's sad 
 how you're rollin', rollin', rollin'

 Nan you're a window shopper
 Taking a look but you never buy
 Nan you're a window shopper
 You won't pick it up if it's over a fiver
 Nan you're a window shopper
 Get on the bus 'cause you still can't drive
 Nan you're a window shopper
 Mad as [bad word] only just alive