Please don't take the baby to the liquor store 
It's not the kind of bottle he's been cryin' for 
Take our milk money and walk right out the door 
But please don't take the baby to the liquor store 

Don't need tequila candy with the worm inside 
It's hard for him to swallow, as well as our pride 
His dirty feet might dangle like it's some fun ride 
But it's not a grocery basket when there's booze inside 

Please don't take the baby to the liquor store 
It's not the kind of bottle he's been cryin' for 
Take the milk money and walk right out the door 
But please don't take the baby to the liquor store 

I searched our dusty pantry for some old saltines 
The kids say they are hungry and I know what they mean 
jar of party olives and some grenadine 
Can't satisfy their hunger like those pork and beans 

Please don't take the baby to the liquor store 
It's not the kind of bottle he's been cryin' for 
Take the milk money and walk right out the door 
But please don't take the baby to the liquor store 

Don't store the whiskey bottles on the lowest lying shelves 
Easily accessible to tiny little elves 
Neighbors start to gossip when our children start to play 
Crown Royal bags aren't mittens on a cold winter's day 

Please don't take the baby to the liquor store 
It's not the kind of bottle he's been cryin' for 
Take the milk money and walk right out the door 
But please don't take the baby to the liquor store 
Please don't take the baby to the liquor store