And if one day I should [bad word] singer with a Spanish bum
Who sings for women of great virtue

I'd sing to them with a guitar
I borrowed from coffee bar
Well, what you don't know doesn't hurt you

My name would be Antonio
And all my bridges I would burn
And if I gave them some they'd know
I expect something in return

I'd have to get [bad word] every night
To talk about virility
With some old grandmother who might
Be decked out like a Christmas tree

And tho' pink elephants I'd see
I'd sing the song they sang to me
About the time they called me Jackie
If I could be for only an hour
If I could be for an hour every day
If I could be for just one little hour
Cute, cute, cute in a stupid [bad word] way

And if I joined the social whirl
Became procurer of young girls
Then I would have my own bordellos

My record would be number one
And I'd sell records by the ton
All sung by many other fellows

My name would then be handsome Jack
And I'd sell boats of opium
Whiskey that came from Twickenham
Authentic [bad word] and phony virgins

I'd have a bank on every finger
finger in every country
And every [bad word] by me
I still know where I'd want to be

Locked up inside my opium den
Surrounded by some Chinamen
I'd sing the song that I sang then
About the time they called me Jackie
If I could be for only an hour
If I could be for an hour every day
If I could be for just one little hour
Cute, cute, cute in a stupid [bad word] way