If I Didn’t Have You (Bernadette’s Song) 
 If I didn’t have you
 Life would be blue
 I’d be Dr. Who without the Tardis
 candle without a wick
 Watson without a Crick
 I’d be one of my outfits without a [bad word] ie
 I’d be cheese without the mac
 Jobs without the Wozniak
 I’d be solving exponential equations that use bases not
 found on your calculator making it much harder to crack
 I’d be an atom without a bomb
 dot without [bad word] 
 And I’d probably still live with my mom

And he’d probably still live with his mom

Ever since I met you
 You turned my world around
 You supported all my dreams and all my hopes
 You’re like Uranium 235 and I’m Uranium 238
 Almost inseparable isotopes

I couldn’t have imagined
 How good my life would get
 From the moment that I met you, Bernadette

If I didn’t have you
 Life would be dreary
 I’d be string theory without any string
 I’d be binary code without a one
 cathode-ray tube without an electron gun
 I’d be “Firefly,” “Buffy” and “Avengers” without Joss Whedon
 I’d speak a lot more Klingon Heghlu’meH QaQ jajvam

And he’d definitely still live with his mom

Ever since I met you
 You turned my world around
 You’re my best friend and my lover
 We’re like changing electric and magnetic fields
 You can’t have one without the other

I couldn’t have imagined
 How good my life would get
 From the moment that I met you, Bernadette

Oh, we couldn’t have imagined
 How good our lives would get
 From the moment that we met you, Bernadette