Whiskey Man's my friend, he's with me nearly all the time He always joins me when I drink, and we get on just fine
 
Nobody has ever seen him, I'm the only one Seemingly I must be mad, Insanity is fun If that's the way it's done
 
Doctors say he just a figment of my twisted mind If they can't see my Whiskey Man they must be going blind
 
Two men dressed in white collected me two days ago They said there's only room for one and Whiskey Man can't go
 
Whiskey Man will waste away if he's left on his own I can't even ring him 'cause he isn't on the phone Hasn't got a home
 
Life is very gloomy in my little padded cell It's a shame there wasn't room for Whiskey Man as well
 
Whiskey Man's my friend, he's with me nearly all the time He always joins me when I drink, and we get on just fine Just fine