What do you mean, "we"? (The pants walk off, leaving Spongebob alone.)
Spongebob: Oh, I didn't have to be a fool to get Sandy's attention. AM I THE BIGGEST LOSER ON THE BEACH? (female fish walks up to Spongebob.)
Female Fish: No, I am. I forgot to put on sunscreen. (She places a fin on herself, and it leaves a radioactive sounding mark, which vanishes.)
Spongebob: Ouch. (fish walks up to both)
Guy Fish: No, I am. I got sand in my buns. (Shows them two sandy hamburger buns. There is [bad [bad word] from the sand and a whale pops his head out of the sand.)
Whale: No, I'm the biggest loser on the beach. They buried me in the sand and forgot me.
All: (to Spongebob) What happened to you?
Spongebob: I lost my best friend.
All: How?
(Spongebob grabs a sand guitar and sings)
Spongebob: When I ripped… (rip) my pants, I thought that I had everybody by my side, but I went and blew it all sky-high, and now she won't even spare a passing glance, all just because I (rip) ripped my pants.
(All the creatures assemble on a stage with an [bad word] and sing:)
When big Larry came 'round just to put him down, Spongebob turned into a clown, and no girl ever wants to dance with a fool who went and ripped his pants.
Spongebob: I know I shouldn't mope around, I shouldn't curse, but the pain feels so much worse, 'cause winding up with no one is a lot less fun than a burn from the sun or sand in your buns. Now I learned a lesson I won't soon forget, so listen and you won't regret. Be [bad word] to yourself, don't miss your chance, and you won't end up like the fool who ripped his pants. (The whole group rips their pants, although Spongebob ripped his underpants. By now, a huge crowd of fish has gathered and is cheering the group onstage. blimp flies by with Spongebob's name on it.)
Sandy: Spongebob!
Spongebob: Sandy! (She jumps on onstage and hugs Spongebob.)
Sandy: Your song is [bad word]  If y'all want to be my friend, just be yourself. (Larry appears)
Larry: Spongebob, that was so righteous. Would you… sign my pants? (Spongebob bends down to sign Larry's pants. His underpants rip and fall off, leaving a Spongebob NudiePants. Someone wolf-whistles