watching your muscles ache from the stress in your back. waiting for your bones to break from the weight of what you lack. I would spend all my time helping you to find [bad word]  and it cuts like a knife - knowing I can't save you. cause saying goodbye hurts the worst when you know it's a final word! [bad word] across like a curse! and I can't believe you said it first, so now the final word on the final page of the final chapter of this narrative we made. it's my weak consciousness whispering words to my mouth, the every word that I prayed would [bad word] out. I kept linking on the past and hoped future would be the same, 'cause we would cry and laugh knowing was our remain. 
and I would argue with God, every night I would lie awake and lie to myself, hoping all of this was fake! 'cause I got a new perspective on general aesthetics. 
when you finally went to see Jesus, and all your family learn how to believe in a void, 'cause I saw they can see in us see red stroking broken words. my heart became a platform for everything I hated the most.
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it's not about being here for me, it's about respecting me enough to tell why you're not. so I'll just step back into my sleep, 'cause there's a demon in my casket and I think we're falling in love. and most nights I wish it was you.