'Round the world it's all the same
Children freeze when they hear my name
Krampus please, don't beat me so
But do I listen? Sadly, no
Eighty percent of kids end up turnin' into dirtbags
I just laugh
But Steve, oh Steve, you are the worst
Slap the butt with a branch of birch
Shake them chains 'til your ears go numb
See now just what you've [bad word] Show you that life is pain
Not some silly stupid game
We do it my way
And because you haven't learned your lesson
You get the rod
You get the rod

Steve: Swear to God, do not touch me.

Krampus: You see Steve, you don't know anything about pain.

Steve: Yes I do.

Krampus: Pain is having a girl named Sheila walk out on you in the middle of downtown Baltimore for some guy named Dennis who worked as a mechanic and made twice as much money as you.

Steve: What?

Krampus: These are things you know nothing about boy but I'm here to show you.

Ahh, ahh, I'm gonna punish you
You ain't experienced all that I've been through
Sheila said that kid was mine
But it looked just like Dennis
That [bad word] Dennis
And because you haven't learned your lesson
You get the rod
You get the rod