Peter:
Jessica Biel and Megan Fox
Wearin' nothin' but their socks
Is all I really want for Christmas this year.
Brian:
Well, that's just not practical.
Lois:
Spending a week in Mexico
With some black guys and some blow
Is all I really want for Christmas this year.
Peter:
Aw, that sounds terrific. How about you, kids?
Chris:
I would like a pair of skates,
Then I'd go out skating,
But I really don't know how to skate.
Ha-ha!
Meg:
I want a Lexus all in pink
And a dad who doesn't drink.
Peter:
Oh, and that reminds me, twelve kegs of beer.
The Griffins (except Brian):
All these happy wishes
And lots of Christmas cheer
Is all I really want this year.
Brian:
Santa's got his work cut out for him.
Peter:
Oh, we ain't even gotten started yet.
Lois:
I wanna tour the Spanish coast...
Peter:
Lunch with Michael Landon's ghost...
Peter and Lois:
Is all I really want for Christmas this year.
Lois:
Wait, what?
Peter:
Forget it. Keep goin'.
Chris:
Jennifer Garner in my bed...
Meg:
Softer voices in my head...
Chris and Meg:
Is all I really want for Christmas this year.
Stewie:
Yellow cake uranium.
Never mind the reason.
Also Chutes and Ladders and a ball.
[laughs]
Brian:
Doesn't this seem like too much stuff?
Peter:
Poo on you! It's not enough!
DVD Lyrics: Suck my [bad word]  It's not enough!
Stewie:
Buddy boy, I got your Christmas right here. [grabs his crotch]
DVD Lyrics: Why don't you go out and chase cars, you [bad word]  [Brian]: Look who's talking.
The Griffins:
All these happy wishes
And lots of Christmas cheer
Is all I really want this year.
Brian:
I'm just saying it seems a bit excessive.
Lois:
Oh, get off your soapbox, Brian, it's Christmas.
Peter:
And Christmas is about gettin'. Everyone in town knows that.
Quagmire:
Japanese girls with no restraint
Just to choke me till I faint
Is all I really want for Christmas this year.
Ooh, giggity!
Bonnie:
Platinum-plated silverware...
Joe:
Just one day when kids don't stare...
Bonnie and Joe:
Is all I really want for Christmas this year.
Mort:
If you put a Christmas tree
In the public airport,
I will go to court and sue your [bad word] 
Happy holiday!
Mayor Adam West:
Wouldn't I love a Tinkertoy?
Herbert:
And a little [bad word] boy.
He can either tap his [bad word] or my rear.
Mayor Adam West, Herbert and Mort:
All these happy wishes
And lots of Christmas cheer
Is all I really want this year.
Tom Tucker:
I want a golden [bad word] 
Angela:
And some spermicidal foam.
Tom Tucker and Angela:
That's all I really want for Christmas this year.
Carter:
I want a brand new pitching wedge.
Consuela:
I would like more Lemon Pledge.
Carter and Consuela:
That's all I really want for Christmas this year. [bad word] 
I just want a wedding ring
From someone named Jeffrey.
Jillian:
I just want some colored Easter eggs.
Carl:
I want a Blu-ray of The Wiz.
Tomak:
We don't know what "Christmas" is.
Bellgarde:
We have something else called "Kishgev Fufleer".
Everyone (except Brian):
All these happy wishes
And lots of Christmas cheer
Is all I really want this year.