Rodney Carrington - Dear Penthouse Lyrics

Dear Penthouse: I’m a freshman at a small Midwestern university
And I never thought something like this could happen to me
When my teacher with the dynamite [bad word]  asked me to stay after class
And she started to undress
I can’t forget the statement she made
If you drop you pants I’ll raise your grade

(Girl) Dear Penthouse: I never thought those letters were [bad word] until
I was on a fishing trip and I met a girl named Jill
We had a little too much to drink
I couldn’t believe what I was starting to think
So we headed to her tent, there’s nothing like eating out
Though the next morning my mouth still smelled like trout

 [bad word] 
I’ve read every issue since 1974
The first two years behind the bathroom door
I poured through every Penthouse I could find
Even though my mom said I’d go blind

Dear Penthouse: I’m a seaman first class at an overseas naval base
It’s been seven long months since I’ve seen a woman’s face
When I saw your recent issue, I took a box of Kleenex tissue
And I locked the barracks door
Thanks to you I’ve gotten a grip, please excuse my jerky penmanship

 [bad word] 

Dear Penthouse: Doing sports on the radio has always been my job
I’ve never wanted a man until I noticed BOB
When we’re close I start to perspire
His little buns set my loins on fire
And I dream about the day he’ll say, “Chick” lets get undressed
Name and address held upon request