Your fallen tears have called to me
so [bad word] my sweet remedy
I know what every princess needs
for her to live life, happily...

With just a wave of my magic wand
your troubles will soon be gone
with a flick of the wrist
in just a flash
you'll land a prince with a ton of cash
a high priced dress made by mice, no less
crystal glass pumps and no more stress
Your worries will vanish
Your soul will cleanse
confide in your very own furniture friends
we'll help you start a new fashion trend!

I'll make you fancy
I'll make you great
the kind of gal the prince would date
they'll write your name on the bathroom wall
"For a happy ever after, give Fiona a call!"

sporty new carriage to ride in style
 [bad word] man, my chauffer Kyle!
I'll vanish your blemishes,
tooth decay,
cellulite thighs will fade a way
And oh, what the hey!
Have a bichon frisee!

Nip and tuck, here and there
to land the prince with the perfect hair,
Lipstick, liners, shadow, blush!
To get that prince with a y tush!
Lucky day! bouquet!
You and the prince take a roll in the hay!
You can swoon on the moon
with the prince
to this tune!
Don't be drab, you'll be fab!
Your prince will have rock hard abs!
Cheese soufflee!
Have a nice day!
Have some chicken fricosseu!

Nip and tuck, here and there
to land the prince with the perfect hair,
Lipstick, liners--

Fiona: "Stop! Thank you, very much, Fairy Godmother, but I'm afraid that I don't need all this!"
All: (Astonished murmuring)
Dresser: "Fine. Be that way."