[Dialogue from "Female Trouble," between Edith Massey and Michael Potter]
[Aunt Ida Nelson:] "Have you met any nice boys in the salon?" 
[Gator:] "Oh, pretty nice." 
[Aunt Ida:] "I mean any nice [bad word] boys. Did you fool with any of them?"
[Gator:] "Aunt Ida, you know I dig women." 
[Aunt Ida:] "Aw, don't tell me that." 
[Gator:] "Christ, let's not go through this again." 
[Aunt Ida:] "All those beauticians, and you don't have any boy dates?" 
[Gator:] "I don't want any boy dates." 
[Aunt Ida:] "Oh honey, I'd be so happy if you turned nelly." 
[Gator:] "Hey, no way. I'm straight. I mean I like a lot of [bad word]  but I don't dig their equipment, y'know? I like women." 
[Aunt Ida:] "But you can change. [bad word] are just better. I'd be so proud if you was a [bad word]  and had a nice beautician boyfriend. I'd never have to worry." 
[Gator:] "There ain't nothing to worry about." 
[Aunt Ida:] "I'm worried that you'll work in an office, get married, have children, celebrate wedding anniversaries. The world of heterouals is a sick and boring life." 
[Gator:] "Sometimes I think you're [bad word] crazy. I'm real happy just the way I am." 

People are telling me that I'm missing out on the fun. 
'Cause I don't go anywhere, and I don't meet anyone. 
But I know [bad word] fly. 
When you're a lonely guy. 
And I'm here to tell you it's a lie. 

There's strange things going on at night most everywhere. 
You know those places, well you'll never see me there. 
I walk by other men. 
And I don't notice them. 
But then [bad word] start again. 

So I'm gonna tell the world. 
I Don't Wanna Be a Homoual. 
I'm gonna find a girl. 
'Cause I Don't Wanna Be a Homoual. 
I guess that it's okay. 
If other guys are [bad word]  
But my hormones are one-directional. 
And I Don't Wanna Be a Homoual. 

Somebody tell me what I did to start this talk. 
Is it the way I look? Is it the way I walk? 
Is it the clothes I wear, 
that make the people stare? 
Is it the way [bad word] my hair? 

I'm only hoping maybe there [bad word] a day 
When I can make them understand that I'm not [bad word]  
But 'till that day is near, 
I guess I'll live in fear. 
And I curse the day I pierce my ear. 

There's nothing wrong with me. 
I Don't Wanna Be a Homoual. 
Know what I want to be. 
And I Don't Wanna Be a Homoual. 
Soft boys and closet queens, 
think Judy Garland's keen. 
But I don't think she's nothing special. 
And I Don't Wanna Be a Homoual. 
 [bad word] break]

So now I'm wondering if maybe they're not right. 
'Cause I've gone all paranoid and I can't sleep at night. 
I went to see the shrink. 
What did the doctor think? 
I swear to god I saw him wink. 

I pray to God I'm wrong 
I Don't Wanna Be a Homoual. 
Why did I write this song 
If I Don't Wanna Be a Homoual? 
I hope it's not too late, 
for them to set me straight. 
I've got to see a real professional. 
'Cause I Don't Wanna Be a Homoual, no! 
No no no no. No no no no no no no. 

I don't wanna be, I don't wanna be 
I Don't Wanna Be a Homoual. 
[repeated in background]

I don't wanna go with guys named Shamus. 
I don't wanna be rich and famous. 
I don't wanna go to a French art festival 
and I Don't Wanna Be a Homoual.