[Ice-T]
Yeah, last year a lot of [bad word] asked me
why I didn’t do no old  nasty [bad word] But this year I went down to Miami and got my [bad word] from 2 Live
Brother Marquis in the house! (Yeah I’m the [bad word] [bad word] 
Yeah, we gonna answer the question about girl problems
All these niggaz is havin girl problem, Marq
(Huh, tell them man, tell them how it is)
Lemme tell you what time is it...

I got a ho from the East, got a ho from the West
Got a ho that likes to jack it off [bad word] it in her chest
I got a ho from the North, a ho from the South
ho that likes to suck it long and hold it in her mouth
I got a [bad word] with hair, a [bad word] with none
[bad word] with a knife, a [bad word] with a gun
[bad word] with a [bad word] big as a TV set
And there’s a [bad word] over there; hey, the one I’m gonna get
But yo but maybe not, she might not like me though
No sweat to a vet; I’ll slam a sista though, word
Ice in the whole [bad word] herd
I [bad word] ’em all and leave ’em on the curve
I got a [bad word] with a mink, who rocks a fat gold link
who likes to [bad word] me with her [bad word] up on the kitchen sink
Got a [bad word] with [bad word]  a [bad word] with [bad word] [bad word] with none, but hey I give her a pass
And I love ’em all, I love ’em crazily
And they love me back - that’s why they stay with me
So if you havin girl problems, I’ll be there for you son
Got 99 problems and a [bad word] ain’t one - hit it...
Nah a [bad word] ain’t one

[Ice-T] 
I got a [bad word] that’s old, a [bad word] that’s new
[bad word] who love velvet in the colors blue
I got a [bad word] who’s fat, a [bad word] who’s built
[bad word] who all her [bad word] give out powdered milk
I got a [bad word] who’s funny, a [bad word] who ain’t
[bad word] who can sing, a [bad word] who cain’t 
[bad word] who loves [bad word] on a airplane.. 
I even got a [bad word] off +Soul Train+ 
I got a [bad word] who rolls a rag-top Benz..
Long ends 
I got a [bad word] who’s broke as a bum..
But she’s the most fun
I got a [bad word] who play piano, a [bad word] who don’t 
[bad word] who dances naked, a [bad word] who won’t
[bad word] who’s short, a [bad word] who’s tall
[bad word] who burns my pager with priority calls
And I love ’em all, I love ’em crazily
And they love me back - that’s why they stay with me
So if you havin girl problems, I’ll be there for you son
Got 99 problems and a [bad word] ain’t one - hit me

Yo Marquis - you from Miami man why don’t you show
these [bad word] all the over the world; the 2 Live style
of how the [bad word] treat a [bad word] fly [bad word] like you

[Brother Marquis] 
I got 99 problems and a [bad word] ain’t one of them
I don’t trip on hos, cause I don’t need none of them [bad word] s the temptation, [bad word] s the persuasion
All hos suck [bad word] [bad word] how you play ’em?
That’s why I don’t sleep on ’em, I just freak on ’em
Stick [bad word] in they mouth; take it out and I skeet on ’em
The [bad word] the one-nighter, the [bad word] exciter
I only love my hos when I’m goin up inside her
Problem number one is gettin money
I’d rather taste the green than sip the honey 
So don’t expect nuttin cause I ain’t offerin
I go hard on my [bad word]  cause I’m never never softenin
Puttin the demand on ’em, [bad word] ’em and scram on ’em
The "wham, bam, thank you ma’am" game is ran on ’em
So [bad word] how you feel, you [bad word] cheap thrill
I hope you took the pill cause I won’t pay the bill
Gettin [bad word] s just another expense
If [bad word] pays the bills then [bad word] pays the rent
I only need a ho for one thing and that’s to [bad word] I’ve got 99 problems and a [bad word] ain’t one!

[Ice-T] 
Ha! Yo Marquis my [bad word] you got problems man? 
([bad word] ain’t one) Aww [bad word] 
Now let me tell you how to do this [bad word] 
[M] I got a [bad word] that loves to [I] She’ll [bad word] you right after she [bad word] me
[M] I got a [bad word] who loves both
[I] I got a [bad word] who loves handcuffs and ropes
[I] I got a [bad word] that’s fast, a [bad word] that’s slow
[M] [bad word] that’s a virgin and a [bad word] that’s a ho
[I] [bad word] that lies
[M]