I got to Kansas City on a Friday
By Saturday I learned a thing or two
For up to then I didn't have an idea
Of what the modern world [bad word] #39; to!
I counted twenty gas buggies goin' by themselves
Almost every time I took a walk.
Then I put my ear to a Bell Telephone and a strange woman started in to talk!
(What next! Yea what!)
What next?
Everythin's up to date in Kansas City
They've gone about as far as they can go!
They went and built a skyscraper seven stories high,
About as high as a buildin' oughta grow.
Everythin's like a dream in Kansas City,
It's better than a magic lantern show!
You can turn the radiator on whenever you want some heat.
With every kind [bad word] every house is [bad word] 
You can walk to privies in the rain and never wet your feet!
They've gone about as far as they can go,
(Yes sir!)
They've gone about as far as they can go!
Everythin's up to date in Kansas City
They've gone about as far as they can go!
They got a big theater they call a burlesque.
For fifty cents you can see a dandy show.
One of the girls was fat and pink and pretty,
As round above as she was round below.
I could swear that she was padded from her shoulder to her heel,
But latter in the second act when she began to peel
She proved that everythin' she had was absolutely real!
She went about as far as she could go,
(Yes sir!)
She went about as far as she could go!