I am thirty and I'm wearing
tutu of candy
Did I mention that I'm thirty?

I went the Supercuts and asked them to [bad word] my head up and
Look what this [bad word] did to me!
(Ha ha ha girl you dumb!)
I used to make a music
And dress like a punk, now
Looks like a blind stylist dressed me!
(Yes, queen, you look great!)
This video is [bad word] racist
But it's okay, because I pay these
Asian chicks to dance behind me
(We want to kill ourselves)
This is probably the worst thing
I have ever done in my life
And I married that Nickelback guy
(Ew, ew, gross!)

Did I mention that I'm thirty?
Yes, I'm [bad word] thirty
And I'm wearing accessories I got from Claire's
I never smiling 'cause on the inside I'm dying
Please, take me out of my misery

(No, you have ten more years!)

Now, it's time for dubstep music
Made by a fifty year old white guy
(Hey, isn't this what's the kids like?)
They also like when I butcher Japanese

Jing Jong Wong Jing Dong Dong Ding Dong
That means 'Go buy my new song'
Ding Ding Wang Wang Ding Ding Ding Chi
That means... 'Holy [bad word]  I'm thirty!'

Holy [bad word]  I'm thirty
And I am ma-married
All enough to have babies
Oh my god, I'm [bad word] thirty!
Oh my god, I'm thirty!
Oh my god...
Oh my god!
OH MY GOD!

Midlife breakdown

Look at me, I'm eating suchi
I like to make my eyes all Japanesey
Jing Jow Jong Chi Dong Chi Dong Chi
Sure, you can have my new CD

Hey there Miley, Miley
Are you jelly, jelly
On my stupid [bad word] video?
I made a checklist of
All the stupid stuff
You did in yours and I think we're tied

(- The world only needs one stupid crazy talentless [bad word]  and that's me!
- Yeah!
- Wow! Or I’m really [bad word] high right now or there is a set of Asian [bad word] standing front of me?
- Both!
- Oh, yeah!)