I'm sick of those pretty boys
Checkin' their mirrors
Waxin' their ball hairs
(Uh-ah, uh-oh)

I'm sick of those rocker boys
They're always cheatin'
With girls who are younger
(Uh-ah, uh-oh)

Yeah!
guy who won't talk [bad word] about me on Twitter
Cause he don't know what the [bad word] that is
Oh, yeah!
I'm lookin' for a guy who has some experience tonight
Uh-oh

Hey!
I'm sick of young dudes
I wanna guy who's 82
He can put up with me
Cause he served in World War 2

He thinks I can sing
Cause he's got real bad hearing
He's a little racist
So I gotta hide my black friends from him

He's 82, oooh
He's 82, oooh oooh oooh

Chill out with his old friends [bad word] in our Depends
Takin' medications
(Uh-ah, uh-oh)

Yeah!
After this we gonna have a big lemon party, tonight
Uh oh

I'm sick of young dudes
I wanna guy who's 82
He has so many age spots
I thought they were tattoos

His family can't hate me
Cause they're all R I P
When we have  he screams
 [bad word] who's your Granddaddy?"

Cause he's 82, oooh
82, oooh oooh oooh

Yeah!

[Aunt Hilda:] There's that [bad word] that stole our husbands
[Taylor and Larry:] [gasp]
[Aunt Hilda:] Let's kill her!
[Old ladies:] Yeah!

We'll get beat up by women who are 82
Holy [bad word] there's blood everywhere
That Asian one knows kung-fu

It feels like one of those nights
We got our [bad word] kicked
It feels like one of those nights
I lost my vision

It feels like one of those nights
Internal bleeding
My legs lost feeling
I'm sick of fighting

[Aunt Hilda:] Oh, why? You too scared to die, [bad word] 
[Taylor:] Larry is an adult. Let's let him decide who he wants to be with.
[Aunt Hilda:] Ugh, fine! Who do you want to be with, Larry?
[Larry] I-I-I. I ch-ch-ch-chchoose... [dies]
[Aunt Hilda:] [gasp]
[Taylor:] Oh my God!
[Aunt Hilda:] Taylor! Did you not give him his 8 o'clock heart pill?
[Taylor:] 8 o'clock heart pill? Ugh, that sounds like so much responsibility.
[Aunt Hilda:] Ugh, it really is.
[Taylor:] Hashtag, no, thank you.
[Aunt Hilda:] Hashtag, I agree girlfriend.
[Taylor:] Hashtag, you're kinda cute.
[Aunt Hilda:] Hashtag, I'm not a monkey, but I'll swing that way
[Taylor:] Hashtag, I don't really know what you mean about the monkey thing, but hashtag, I'm in.
[Aunt Hilda:] [excited gasp]

Hey!
Sick of guys like him,
Let's just be [bad word] Enough of this silly fighting,
Let's get to scissoring
 [bad word] all these stupid guys,
Let's have a good time [bad word] all these stupid guys,
Let's go out tonight
 [bad word] all these stupid guys,
I'll give girls a try
Let's have a good time
Let's have a good time!

[Taylor and Aunt Hilda] [Sloppy make out noises]

[Taylor:] Ah! I forgot to tell you, I have herpes.
[Aunt Hilda:] Hey! So do I!