COOK: Before I introduce the iFhone 5, I'd just like to say . . .
COOK: Steve Jobs built [bad word] 
COOK: He's the reason we're here today
COOK: and we see the effects of his legacy in everything we do.
COOK: But not anymore! (laughs) Now begins the era of COOK.
COOK: Apple's mine, you hear me? ALL MINE!
COOK: Huh?! Steve?! How the [bad word] ..
JOBS: WHAT? You thought if Tupac [bad word] back from the dead STEVE JOBS couldn't figure it out?! PLEASE.

I'm back, [bad word] 
The man with the plan!
Mac Daddy, even as a hologram {He's back}
It's been awhile, but it's worth the wait
Cause I got the OS that makes ya salivate

Y'all been waitin', debatin' and speculatin' no patience
You peepin' mock-ups and chock-ups and mentally [bad word] 
I been in heaven, (angelic choir sound "Ahhhh")
Workin' on the specs
Choosin' the hotness I'm gonna drop on ya next

My designs so tasty they edible
Even Jesus Christ like
JESUS: Jesus! You're incredible!

COOK: But Steve, you don't handle design.

COOK: That's Jonathan Ive. It's a bald-faced lie!

No one likes you - so shut up, Cook!
Or I'll beat yo skinny [bad word] with my new MacBook
I'm sick of your whinin' and stichin' [bad word]  and [bad word] 
Someone get this hack Cook out of my kitchen!

Now get ready for some monumental cash flows
Cause Cinco gonna blow your mind, fo sho!
 [bad word] (x2):
iFhone 5!
I'm Mac Daddy - dead or alive!
So just buy, and don't ask why
You know you're gonna get an -
iFhone 5!

3Gizzle! That sh*t was a huge success
Then I sold a butt-load of the 3GizzleS
Number four, 'nother score, jaws hittin' the floor,
Y'all acted like you never seen a phone before

I was rich [bad word]  didn't give a f*ck
Swan divin' into gold like Scrooge Mcduck
San Francisco ridin' all up on my jock
Got more California Love than my boy Tupac {Changes}
But then the word hit the street -
My hardware was obsolete
 [bad word] 
iFhone 5!
I'm Mac Daddy - dead or alive!
So just buy, and don't ask why
You know you're gonna get an -
iFhone 5!

And now, the real star of the show
The future of talk -- iFhone cincooooo!

FANBOY: "Bullsh**! It's the same phone as before!
JOBS: Not [bad word]  It's got a new power cord.

We switched the dock up arbitrarily,
So I hope you like buyin' new accessories.
See the new design- yeah it's out-of-control
We went nuts and switched it up from black to charcoal {Say what?}

Plus the screen's two millimeters taller
That's gotta be worth at least four hundred dollars

FANBOY: "You did all the cool stuff with iFhone 4!"

But ya still gonna buy it for the app store
Whatcha gonna do - buy the Galaxy?
You'll still line up for iFhone eighty-three!

Cause Apple got the sh*t y'all crave. {Y'all crave}
I teabag Bill Gates from beyond the grave!

COOK: Hallelujah Steve! You've shown me the light!
COOK: It's your Apple, and I'm just taking a bite

It's cool, Cook -- I got a turtleneck for you
Now let's tell these people what they need to do
 [bad word] (x2):
iFhone 5!
I'm Mac Daddy - dead or alive!
So just buy, and don't ask why
You know you're gonna get an -
iFhone 5!