These are the tales, the freaky tales...
The tales that I tell so well...

I met this girl, her name was Joan
She loved the way I rocked the microphone
When I met Joan, I took her home
She was just like a doggy all on my bone
I met another girl, her name was Ann
All she wanted was to freak with a man
When I met Ann, I soked her pans
We ended up freakin' by garbage can
The next young freak I met was Red
I took her to the house and she gave me head
She likes to freak was all she said
We jumped in the sheets and we broke my bed
There's another girl, her name is Mary
Talked about  and the girl acted scary
I heard she was freakin' for my homeboy Jerry
Took her to the house and I popped that cherry
Young and tender, sweet Denise
Get her in the bed and the girl's a beast
I tell you, homeboy, If you get a piece
She only talks about signin' a lease
I met this tender, her name was Lori
And a X-rated movie wouldn't tell her story
She had a twinsister, her name was Lisa
And just like Lori, she's a real [bad word] pleaser
My girlfriend's name was Michelle, I freaked her well
Her [bad word] got hotter than flames in [bad word] 
I geed this girl, her name was Tammy
I didn't wanna do it cause the [bad word] was flammy
She had a best friend, her name was Jane
I pulled to the side and I spitted that game
I met a lot of freaks in my lifespine
Freaked one night with a girl named Pam
The very next day I saw her with her man
One week passed and I was in her again
I had an old tender, her name was Janie
She was thirty-two and I was only eighteen
She likes to freak, she's just a fiend
It really didn't matter when I saw her in jeans
I wanna big freak, fat and slobby
I kick on back and I watch her mouth
Two tons of fun, big mama jama
country-girl from Alabama
I met this girl, her name was Betty
Her [bad word] got wet and it smelled like death
I was tired as [bad word]  I was drippin' sweat
But I was all up in her tryin' to hold my breath
Bake and shake us, I met this freak in Vegas
She said her name was Donna
She was a pitty little freak from China
I said I don't pimp or gigolo
I'm havin' so much money that I don't need a ho
You can break yourself but you can't break me
You never met a player like $hort, baby
I knew a [bad word] sucker named Betty-Jo
Took her to my home and we did it on the floor
The girl got freaky and I tell you more:
She was down on her knees beggin' to blow
She's like another freak named Ren`
You get her alone and she'll make your day
Like Burger King, she knows the play
But a freak like Ren`, you can have it your way...

These are the tales, the freaky tales...
These are the tales that I tell so well...

I met this girl, thick as [bad word] 
Only sixteen, said her name was Linell
I took her to my house, I could not wait
Her [bad word] was much tighter than Central Safe
Let me tell you this since we talkin' young
I met another girl, said her name was Yvonne
Always talkin' about havin' fun
Once again in the bed I got it goin' on
I'm Sir Too $hort, couldn't be no punk
I try to get funky like female funk
So when you see [bad word] #39; or see me goin'
I keep my money, let the hoes keep throwin'
I once met a tender, she did it for free
On the Foothill bust number forty-three
All the way on the back she was workin' me
Had my big beatbox and I was jammin' the beat
I met this freak named aunt Winell
Macked on the baby like an ice-cold vet
Everythin' she had is what I get
Cause I'm Too $hort, baby, I don't play that [bad word] 
I met another freak, her name was Rita
Baby thought that $hort just might eat her
I told her like this, she can suck my peter
Or even go home cause I knew I didn't need her
Scratched her name off my telephone book
Never again I took a