Once upon a midnight dreary, as I spit this weak and weary,

I will choke this joker with a trochee till his cheeks are teary (ahh!)

But y'all don't hear me, all should fear me

I'll forever be better, you'll never be near me, your books are as eerie as Beverly Cleary!

You're a faux Bram Stoker, so scram, the show's over

Your flow's so-so, Poe's poems pwn posers! (oh snap)

I wrote 'em locked in a cage, while I sobbed in a rage

The Tell-Tale Heart beats soft in its grave

While this jerk just beats off on a page!

Stephen King:
You wanna talk shop? You gothic fop

Go back to Hot Topic and shop for a top

There's a melancholy alcoholic laughing stock

In the King's house, now watch the Castle Rock

Pouty little Poe with an opiate affliction

I'm a workaholic with a fiction addiction

I'm making dedicated readers shivery and jittery

Feel that Rage and Misery

You better [bad word] Man, you're in deep poo, Poe

I'm a mad dog, thank Shining, Cujo

Tommy knock you down till you can't stand up

You're as soft as Po, the Kung Fu Panda

Racks on racks cause I pen fat stacks of frightening writing, have you seen the pile?

I can even take a break from my routine style

Crank out a Shawshank or a Green Mile

Masque of the Red Death? Really blood curdling

Pit and the Pendulum? Not even unnerving

Perving on your first cousin when she's thirteen years old? Now that's disturbing 

Edgar Allan Poe:
Stephen, you pretend to do what I've been really living through

Like misery and poverty and family woes

I see through you like pantyhose, doing Chappelle and Simpson cameos (ahh!)

Even if you're gripping on a weapon then you better get it stepping if you're messing with the horror lord

In a minute maybe, I'mma hit him, cut him into itty bitty bits and I'mma stick em in the floorboards

Stephen King:
(Sigh) Speaking of bored, you're the worst

Dropped out of school but you can't drop a verse

I could have spent my time better

In eight bars I can write a whole best-seller

I'm so prolific, this sickly goblin won't be bothering me, I'm on a clobbering spree

And I'll be smacking you with any of the big thick books in my big [bad word] bibliography

See, I'm the author with the blood and gore lore galore that'll horrify a reader to the core

Fame? Money? Talent? Success? You'll always have less

The Raven:
Nevermore!