You're the ol' lady from the society pages
From a small town somewhere i used to be
You owned the paper and a bunch of other stuff
That didn't appeal to me

The hostpital plans yer brother drew 'em all
You ran the paper 'n charity ball
Every day on the third or fourth page
There you was..you was quite the rage

Somehow you was all kinda cheap 'n wrong
Just like in a lotta small towns
Where folks like you hang around too long
And pass out jobs to yer relatives 'n such
So you all keeps a lot 'n nobody else
Ever gets too much to speak of
So what? What can you say?
So long as the trash gets picked up
So long as the trash gets locked up
Just so the trash don't stack up
Some day you won't be on page three or page four anymore

By the grace of god you had a son
He's the one and only one
He grew up and by and by
He came to be a beautiful guy

I'm a beautiful guy
And you have walked by
And I have gave you the eye
But you pretend to be shy
But I'm a beautiful guy 
You know what I mean?
So I want you to know why
You make me cry
'Cause you wanna try
Some stupid game on me
They're drinking lighter they're full of water
I hear them say: "Let's jog" 
They're playing tennis they're butts are tighter 
What could be whiter? Hey?

Your athletic approach has a lot of appeal
The girl is responding to your little deal
She's modern 'n empty 'n totally vain
But beauty, of course, can feel no pain

Beauty knows no pain
So what you cryin' about
Girl
Beauty knows no..

Even if yer plain
You could be tryin' it out
Girl
Beauty is no..

Beauty is a bikini wax 'n waitin' for yer nails to dry
Beauty is colored pencil, scribbled all around yer eye
Beauty is a pair of shoes that makes you wanna die
Beauty is a Lie

But you don't care if it's a lie
'Cause you are such a beautiful guy
Your head is north, your feet is south
And you save the rest for Charlie's mouth

Charlie's enormous mouth, well, it's awright
The girl got a very large mouth, but it's awright
Her teeth look okay, she must be [bad word] #39; 'em quite a bit
'course her mouth is extra large
'n we can only assume as to how she's been usin' it
Charlie's enormous mouth, well, it's awright
The girl got a very large mouth, but it's awright
She got lips all around the hole where she puts her food in
They call it the mouth
Which is as good a place as any for a toungue to include in
That's why they call it the mouth
Kinda young, kinda wow

Charlie's enormous nose, well, it's all white
The girl got a very large nose but it's all white
It once was okay but she been blowin' it quite a bit
'course her friends are extra large
'n we can only assume as to how she's been choosin' it
Charlie's enormous nose, well, it's all white
The girl got a very large nose, but it's all white
She got stuff all around the hole where she puts her spoon in
They call it the nose
And when it finally rots away i guess you'd prob'ly drive a [bad word] in
They used to call it the nose
Kinda young, kinda dead

Charlie's disgusting brain, well, it's all black
The girl got a very dead brain, it [bad word] back
She used to convey but then she took an extra hit
'course her friends are extra dumb
'n they were terribly excited while they watched her doin' it
Charlie's disgusting brain, well it's all black
The girl got a very dead brain, it [bad word] back
She got dirt all around the hole where they dumped her box in
They call it the grave
Which is as good a place as any for a chump to repose in
That's why they call it the grave

And all around at the side of the grave