It's a terrible statement but I never let it leave my side. That sickening realization that I'm done with this fight. Moments kneeling on the bedroom floor sickened by the entity I had absorbed, no more. I would not let the [bad word] endeavor endure a precipice a monologue questioning my every motive. My disaster stricken heart feeling broken, my emotions quoted spilling out of a broken vase taking the place of what was once your emotion. 

Diluted with tears, an open book scribbled with fears engraved pools of ink I'm vocally shook; and I'm tired of telling myself that it's gonna change. 

Taken by the spectacular lie that existence can end. Faulse-hoods predicted my sinners dictated my every decision. 

An exit of sorts seemed logical, cause I thought I could silence this breath. But contrary to my mindset, I circumvented my threats to silence the demons singing songs in my head; whispering in my ear, that ending it all is a safe bet.  [bad word] me as I try to manipulate my end. Those moments when I decided I couldn't handle this anymore! Pins and needles infected every sensation I had left! 

Feeling like this love I had once found had been torn open and left broken in the cold -that the seams holding it together ripped open and my flesh tore open with that is I pray that my breathing would stop. 

And as I held those staining memories, I held on so tightly; remembering what life used to mean. Selfishly ready to embrace the fact that I am weak! 

But then I called to you, and I hoped someone would find me; and I found you, and I had hoped someone would call me! Cause I'm listening to these echos of my own voice leaving damage in the cold, as I feel I have finally grown to the point where I can snap. point of knowing I could never go back...

And it's in the moments I felt most alone. That I told myself no one was there for me; and little did I know, love with sitting right beside me, I just wasn't listening. At this point in my life I don't know many things, but I can promise you this - You are [bad word]