got a call at 5 p.m. 
you were lying on the intensive care unit 
daddy said you had a nervous breakdown ‘cause he couldn’t deal with 
the situation. 
no accusation! 
but mum gave me the real radical facts. 
suicide attempt. insulin. pain-killers. 
paradoxical. toxical. 
you wrote a farewell letter by saying you’re sorry 
and that you love us 
but you can’t live in this [bad word] world anymore. 
epic fail. 
you’re still here. 
do you realize? 
I asked why 
and got this rhetoric answer: ‘cause life sucks. 
yeah..right way solving problems! 
what was your intention? 
disappear forever? 
asking for help? 
silent but massive cry for help! 
now..you reject. 
wasted effort! 
today your life seems to be normal again. 
work, friends, ideal of beauty. 
lead a perfect life for the ones around. 
facade? [bad word]  
suppression. 
what goes [bad word] around 
assume responsibility! 
and live with the consequences. 
 [bad word] to life. 
but who am I telling you how life works?! 
sorry, I exceed the limits. 
for me you changed everything. 
and nothing will be as it was before. 
hardness and ignorance are reality now. 
probably my behavior will have fateful consequences 
like yours did 
but I do not know how I can defeat being angry and embittered.. 
one wish: making your deed undone. 
impossible. 
but “never underestimate the impossible”.. 
I’M so SORRY for giving up and treating you like that 
but you wanted me to live my life without you?! 
now I know: suicides are egoists. 
and I got nothing left to say.. 
currently.