i have memories
 clouded by sorrow
 of a time in life when blood ran through my veins
 but these walls keep closing
 suffocating
 and now I'm trapped beneath the weight of my own loss
 in [bad word] ..of my misery
 i gasp for air, only to drown again
 unending waves of memories
 lifes only gift bestowed to me
 ...regret
 every moment marks
 a breaking of my heart
 now i'm left alone
 with this ghost that i've [bad word]  for years i've built this monument of pain
 i must find a way
 to never feel again
 i made the mistake of wanting
 something real, and i saw it die
 i paid the price for thinking,
 it was [bad word] when it was all a lie