I can’t believe I gotta stay here
I think I’m going crazy
Because Uncle Vernon never stops with
The insults and the hazing
And Little Dudders is a fat git
Who’s [bad word] 
Now, Aunt Petunia ain’t no better
She’s what you’d call a hater

Get your ticket for the Knight Bus
And go for a ride
Get your ticket for the Knight Bus
And say hello to Stan Shunpike

Here I sit like an idiot
Doing all the housework
And what do I get for it?
I feel like a shop clerk
Aunt Marge, she came over
Man, what an ogre
Talking trash about my family
How could you blame me?

I can’t wait to get back to Hogwarts
And see all my friends
Because I can’t take anymore of this [bad word] place
So off I go