It was the first day back to school.
Cuttin' up in class.
Actin' like a tool.
Friends were rollin' in.
We started talkin' about the summer.
DeeJay saw "Twilight" - Bummer!
I spoke up , and I asked my friends
"Are there any new girls? 9's or 10's?"
Hopin' a few hotties had moved from other cities,
And in walked this girl with tig ol' bitties.

I can't believe my eyes.
In a contest, they'd win first prize.
Double guarantee I was checkin' their size.
It's like two beach balls in a shirt disguise.
Or Earth and Mars having some fun.
Wait, I take it back it's like two of the sun.
But at this point I let my [bad word] 
And drifted off thinking about them tig ol' bitties.

Tig ol' bitties.
Mt. Fuji brought its twin.
Tig ol' bitties.
Two melons in a shirt.
Tig ol' bitties.
I put books in my lap.
Tig ol' bitties.
Head bobbing as she walks.
Tig ol' bitties.
Oh my god!
Tig ol' bitties.

Kept trippin' in class
because of her dang [bad word] in a tiny shirt. [bad word] having a fiesta.
Later in lab, we were messin' with test tubes.
Couldn't take my eyes off the new girls chest. [bad word] 
Wasn't paying attention.
Got busted.
Had to serve detention.
In biology we talked about the bees.
The best kind of bees... Boobies!

I cant' believe my mind.
I hold a poker face to her two of a kind.
With each step her [bad word] gettin' redefined.
I'm making my move.
I'm thinking it's time.
Oh snap!
I'm gonna ask her to prom,
And in my head she responds
"You're the bomb!"
Feeling nervous so I count to three.
"I like your [bad word] "
"Go to prom with me?"

Tig ol' bitties.
King Kong [bad word] 
Tig ol' bitties.
Great tracks of land.
Tig ol' bitties.
Like my balls.
Tig ol' bitties.
Real big.
Tig ol' bitties.
Oh my god!
Tig ol' bitties.

She said yes, so I'm getting ready.
Stain on my shirt...
mom's spaghetti.
I pick her up, and I'm pretty sure
That she'll let me motorboat like
br-br-br-br-br.
I try to cop a feel once we get to the school.
She said, "no touching. That's [bad word] "
Principal walks up on the scene.
"It's time to announce prom king and queen."
"Your Favorite Martian and Tig Ol' Bitties."
"Congratulatins to you both on winning."
Time slowed down, and she jumped for joy.
Then out of her dress jumped something more.
Tissues flew and rained from the sky.
Oh my god!
You stuff your shirt?
Your Favotite Martian in a world of hurt.
Awww. Fake ol' bitties.

Wow!
Fake ol' bitties!
You're breaking my heart with
Fake ol' bitties!
You're [bad word] my dreams with 
Fake ol' bitties!
I can't believe it!
Fake ol' bitties!
You really suck!
Fake ol' bitties!
I can't believe you would do that.
Fake ol' bitties!