We met at the New Years Party of my vegetarian friend. 
I said I was studying English, I told you I was in a band 
I asked what the band was called, I said it’s called The Burning [bad word] 
I said I’ve never heard of you, I said that’s probably just as well 

Just to make conversation I told you about a dream I had in which Jean Baudrillard was rapping with Public Enemy 
Shouting “don’t believe the hyperreal” with Flava Flav and Chuck 
And I said I think we might have a lot [bad word] then, possibly, 
Because I’m also a musician and also a student of hip-hoposophy 

You mentioned you used to play the clarinet in high school in the early years of the millennium when you were young 
And you said you’re hired, the pay is negligible, and the tour starts next month 
You asked what I was working on, I said I’m writing an album of love songs 
I laughed and said love songs are dumb, and I said oh yeah, wait til you hear these ones 

Pass the wine, [bad word] the government, I love you 
Three statements overheard at once in the crowded room 
But I could not be sure which one [bad word] from you 
So I passed you the wine and said yes, [bad word] the government, I love you too. 

Though neither of us are [bad word] dancers we danced a little bit 
My vegetarian friend was playing the hits of Will Smith, and we got jiggy with it 
There on the dance floor, the living room dance floor, that’s when it happened 
You stole my heart, I stole a kiss, we stole someone else’s gin by accident 

At some point we got cornered by an amateur poet neither of us knew
Either he had no one else to talk to or just couldn’t pick up simple social cues 
Step by step we backed away until we backed up all the way into the bathroom together 
We told the poet that we always go together ‘cause that’s what happens when you’ve been dating forever 

We stayed in there for ages hoping the amateur poet would go, it was awkward 
We came out and found he’d discovered someone else to bother, 
And suddenly it was midnight and auld lang syne time and countdowns and gratuitous public making out 
And we started shouting because everyone else was shouting and isn’t it fun to shout?