[Intro - Eminem:]

Ay, you
This next song, is a [bad word] story [bad word] here [bad word] )

Cause some things in this universe, don't make sense
But somehow always seem to [bad word]  work

[Verse 1 - Eminem:]

Driving down 975, about to hop on 696
I look over, this [bad word] chick's tryina' fix
Her makeup, I'm like [bad word] 
You ain't a plastic surgeon, I advise ya to put up your visor
I'm getting kinda ticked, you're blocking my side mirror
She's like yeah? so? I'm like so?
You gon' need a stich you keep actin' like that, ho
I look like your husband [bad word]  That's a rhetorical question
You talk to me like you talk to him, I'll [bad word] you up
In fact, get in the backseat, like the rest of my dates
No [bad word] rides shotgun, what? Taxi?
Stop and pick you some Maxi Pads up?
Is that what you actually ask me? [bad word] reaches over and smacks me
And says I annoy the [bad word] outta her
Get in the [bad word] back, put on your [bad word] powder
You [bad word]  what? Shut the [bad word] up now, or get your feelings hurt
Worse than my last chick, when I accidentally butt dialed her
And she heard me spreading [bad word] about her
Turn the radio up louder, make it bump
While I thump that Relapse CD, tryin'a hit every bump
In that...till I snap back in that accent
Cause she kept asking me to stop callin' her [bad word] I SAID THAT [bad word] 
[Hook - Eminem:]

She said, Marshall you ain't really like that, oh oh oh
You wouldn't wanna show (?)
Cause you're breaking my heart, you're breaking my heart
x2

[Verse 2 - Royce Da 5'9":]

Uh, pull up to the club in a Porsche, not a Pinto
While Marshall's at a white trash party, I'm at drama central
I walk up in there looking at my phone on twitter tweetin'
I'm feelin' a bunch of [bad word] lookin' at a [bad word]  cheesin'
I get approached by this little skeeser
She asked me if I'm the real G, cause I'm Gucci from head to feet
I said, yeah, I'm really is, cause I spit in your man's face
Like Camden, that little kid from these MCs
She said I'm feeling a bit of ego
Wait, am I talking wrong?
I said nah, I'm a walking Kanye/Beyonce song.
She said I'm mad at you, I said why?
She said why you never make songs for chicks like it's hard to do?
I said I make songs for me, leave the studio
And go and [bad word] the [bad word] who belong to make them songs for you
She said I'm feelin' your whole swagger and flow, can we hook up?
I said, eh, you just used the word swagger so NO

[Hook]

[Verse 3 - Eminem:]

We been ridin' around in this hatchback 'till I'm [bad word] hunchback
Where the [bad word] s this party at slutbag [bad word]  Cut what act?
Think it's an act? [bad word] that, I'm tryina' shakes cause finest loveshack
Or somewhere to [bad word] at, eh? Don't touch that
You fat [bad word]  I'm tryina hear some Bagpipes from Bagdhad
Don't act like you don't like em', them accents
I rap tight, and I'mma torture 'till we find this place, yeah that's right
Thought it was just past this light, past Van [bad word] Better hit that map right, read them directions
Oh yeah you can't read, and you can't write
Told me that last night, she took my CD out the deck
Snapped in half like, Relapse sucked
I snapped, hit the gas like, blew through the light
Spun out, hit a patch of black ice
Forgot we had a trailer hitch to the back
We jackknifed, [bad word] flew out of the car
I laughed like, she deserved it
She didn't think I'd act like that in person

(Yo, Royce, Marshall just crashed right in front of the club!)

[Verse 4 - Royce Da 5'9":]

Tell him I'll be there in a minute, I'm tryina break up this cat fight
Between my mistress and my [bad word] wife
Then a chick wanted a hug, but she was fat
So I gave her that and told her