Oh, deary me, 
My little brother's in his bedroom smoking weed, 
I tell him he should get up cos it's nearly half past three 
He can't be bothered cuz he's high on THC. 
I ask him very nicely if he'd like a cup of tea, 
I can't even see him cuz the room is so smoky, 
Don't understand how one can watch so much TV, 
My baby brother Alfie how I wish that you could see. 

I only say it cuz I care, 
So please can you stop pulling my hair. 
Now, now there's no need to swear, 
Please don't despair my dear, mon frère1. 

Alfie, get up it's a brand new day, 
I just can’t sit back 
And watch you waste your life away 
You need to get a job 
Because the bills need to get paid. 
Get off your lazy [bad word]  
Alfie please use your brain 
Surely there's some walls out there 
That you can go and spray, 
I'm feeling guilty for leading you astray, 
Now how the [bad word] do you ever expect 
That you'll get laid, 
When all you do is stay 
And play on [bad word] games? 

Oh little brother please refrain from doing that, 
I'm trying to help you out so can you stop being a [bad word]  
It's time that you and I sat down and had a little chat, 
And look me in the eyes take off that stupid [bad word] cap. 

Please don't despair 
Please don't despair 
My dear, mon frère